Tesson’s Tide

1.  Two men standing glaring face to face with tense drawn expressions.
     One may says to the other,

"You have no idea what I'm capable of."

2.  A woman is leaning close over the body of comatose figure in a hospital bed.
     The woman says to the patient,

"I don't know if you can hear me..."

Please, Hollywood.  Cut. It. Out.

"It keeps telling me about Earth Friendly things.  I don't care about Earth Friendly, I want to know how to keep our clothes looking nice."
-My Wife:Al Gore's Worst Enemy.

My mother received the following letter from her car insurance company.

Pet Injury Coverage Endorsement
Your Auto policy is amended as follows:
If you have purchased Collision Coverage for at least one covered auto under your policy and your pet sustains injury or death as a result of a collision involving any covered auto or non-owned auto, we will pay up to $500 for:
1.  reasonable and customary costs incurred by you or a relative for veterinary fees arising from such collision; or
2.  your pet's replacement cost if your pet dies in the accident.

Pet Injury Coverage applies only if your pet is inside the covered auto or non-owned auto at the time of the collision.

Additional Definitions
The following definitions apply to this coverage:
1. "Your pet" means any dog or cat owned by you or a relative.
2. "Your pet's replacement cost" means the cost to replace the deceased dog or cat with one of like kind and quality.  It does not include any amounts for veterinary bills, training, or any other amounts other than the cost to replace the pet itself.

Limits of Liability
The most we will pay for all damages under Pet Injury Coverage with respect to any one accident is a total of $500 regardless of the number of dogs or cats that are injured or die in that accident.  The following additional provisions apply:
1.  If your pet is injured as a result of a covered accident, we will pay for all necessary medications and procedures prescribed by your pet's veterinarian for treatment of such covered injury.
2.  If your pet dies in a covered accident, we will pay your pet's replacement cost whether your pet is actually replaced or not.
3.  No deductible shall apply to this coverage.

Mom:  "This is Progressive."
Me:   "Yes. Yes, it is."

What do you do EVERY day to take care of the earth's environment? What could you do more of?

I try to confine my environmentalist urges to actions that will actually benefit the earth. *cough* global warming hoax *cough*

Action:  I try to use dish towels instead of paper towels.
Effect:   Reduction of consumption of trees.  Good.

Action:  I avoid styrofoam cups at work and use a travel mug instead.
Effect:   These don't disappear from landfills, they are forever.

Action:  Throw water balloons at hippies.
Effect:   Reduces patchouli and unshowered odors which poison the breathing air.

At my new job,CNN is on the screen directly in front of me for all 8 hours of my shift.
The other day, after fighting my way through a sudden urge to recycle and vote for Obama, the savior of all mankind, I noticed something rather shrewd about this channel.

Whenever there's a "bi-partisan panel", the Liberal up there has their name - followed by the phrase, "Political Contributer".
Whenever it's a Conservative they get the label, "Republican Strategist".

CNN - You're choice for the most balanced coverage.

"How a peanut butter cookie became a weapon in a local school. The story, at 11."

I'm not making this up.
Local News, For The Lose.

"Gah!  Texting is so tedious.  I wish there was a way I could talk into my phone and give someone a message that way.  It would be so convenient."

Do you have a particular "catch phrase" for which you are known?
Submitted by Emu with a Clue.

I wish I did.